no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
