That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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