I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
