So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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