Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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