I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
