We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
