i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Let's paint friendship bongs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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