she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
