I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
