the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
