If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
