i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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