my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
