is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ketchup is God's man juice
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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