Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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