If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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