so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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