The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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