Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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