hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
