Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
