Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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