ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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