i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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