If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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