And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
