You made me cry and you don't even care
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
