So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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