i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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