You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize