You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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