i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
