Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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