I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize