Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
where are you?
Hypothermia
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
