I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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