you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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