So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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