Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
