I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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