So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we're making bets on your personal life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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