apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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