I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like, not good at living.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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