Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
