her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
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I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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