i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
