do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
