I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
