About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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