What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
