I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
