youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"