I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So much Jack, so little girl.