he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog