Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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