We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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