My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
