he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I see more hoeing in ur future
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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