He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
