I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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