You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
