I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
