very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
