If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize