I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
