I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
