she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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