What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
