Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
