Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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