He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
