My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
